Notes form my experience as Txum Mej for Laug Tshaav Txhaj's daughter Ntxawm

The price and bargaining was completed prior and I was only asked to come and full fill the position the day of the wedding

Note : Be aware that weddings do not have a set format or order and will most likely change as the wedding goes on. Each wedding I attended has been a bit different from the previous.

When receiving the cigarettes

This is called nruab yeeb
When the txiv tuam mej koob hands you the cigarette you say the following phrase. When you say this you put your hands together and wave forward like you would ua tsaug, BUT you don't wave to the person or to the front of you. You want to wave to the side.
Siv txhaj o Play
hand wave

As the person in the txum mej koob position you should also nruab yeeb back to them (What do you say????)

txum mej huv tsev

The very first table is just for eating, before the actual wedding begins. When the table is set you call everyone to come eat especially all the in-laws (Qhua). Ask them who else came and invite them as well.

Sitting
Usually the Txum Mej will be seated between the Tuam Mej and qhua vauv.
I have seen where the Txum Mej is seated across the table opposite the Tuam Mej.
See the sections on sitting for more details

???
You say nce tsum (this is after everyone eats and they reset the table to drink) What is this????)

beer types (xeej cawv)

Two people are asked to sit at the front of the table to regulate the types of beer cups that will be drank (chi cawv)

In some cases, two people are not asked to sit and regulate the cups. So as the txum mej you will be the one to decide which cups to drink
See the section on wedding beer types for more details

Before you drink each xeej cawv, ua tsaug first. You do this when the xeej cawv reaches you.

Has rua koj txiv tuam mej koob, qhua vauv, qhua phis laaj, ris nraa, nam txais ntsuab, mej ntsug haus nam txiv tug nuas cawv (Cawv npe) Play
Then tuab txum yim Play
Then you say
Txiv tuam mej koob us tsaug ov, tas nam txiv tom u tsi cas le, nam txiv tom u ua neej xwm luas neeg e Play
Rauv tawg luj lag ceeb cig nto ntseej Play
e ua neej xwm luas, cawv rauv tawg luj lag ceeb cig nto tsuag e Play
nam txiv tom u luas tas ua xeej qhua xeej ua xwm qhua xwm es Play
nam txiv tom nua nyob tsawg noj tsawg haus xwb e ua nam txiv tom u tsaug Play

Full Verse

Version 2
First repeat the 1st line of version 1

Ua tsaug ov txiv tuam mej koob, tas nam txiv tom u Play
tes muab ruj rau nyog ruj muab neev rau nyog neev es Play
muab ruj rua nyog ruj, coj yoog nyog lej lwg rhwv mim quas caag quas kug txuj Play
muab neev rau nyog neej, coj yoog nyog lej lwg rhwv mim quas caag quas kug peev Play
nam txiv tom u luas tas ua xeej qhua xeej ua xwm qhua xwm es Play
nam txiv tom nua nyob tsawg noj tsawg haus xwb e ua nam txiv tom u tsaug Play

Full Verse play

Vauv hab Phis Laaj Npe

The txiv tuam mej koob is suppose to say all your relatives and the two will respect-bow

All you have to say is xob ua tsaug ov tau lawm ov
Of you can say something like
o nam ncoo txiv puab txiv ncoo nam pu es nam noog txiv qhuab txiv noog nam hu nawv Play

first time is when they first arrive: npe kev dlaab kev qhua
next when the event reaches : lug pum nam pum txwv
This is when the txum mej is involved
last time is when they are leaving: npe kev sawv kev ????

They will respect-bow to each person in the daughters family, all the daughters grand parents, including 2 and 4 grandfathers. Then the general family (terms that cover a group of family members, details below), the txum mej and tuam mej will be standing next to them and the tuam mej will tell them who to respect-bow to.
In some cases the tuam mej will pour two beers and ask the txem mej to preform this part for the specific family members. He will also then give the txem mej the umbrella

In my situation the tuam mej had the two respect-bow to all the general family first then pour two beers and ask me to do it for the specific family members.

It's the txum mej's job to have them respect-bow to the tuam mej koob, phis laaj, ris nraa and nam txhais ntsuab
You don't do this for the qhua vauv and you ask the phi laaj to not bow when you do it for the phis laaj

same explaination

xyuam lub lis play
Explained

general family terms
If the tuam mej forget anyone the txum mej should remind him
nrug ib nroom nug tij xyuam lub lis play
nrug ib nroom puj laug yawm laug xyuam lub lis play
nrug ib nroom nam ntxawm txiv ntxawm xyuam lub lis play
nrug ib nroom puj nyaaj txiv kwj yij xyuam lub lis play
nrug tej kwv tij kwv npawg xyuam lub lis play
nrug taag nrhog ib nroom kwv tij neej tsaa kaw tuaj saib tshoob saib kug xyuam lub lis play
play all

My Notes

When it's time to go, you have to pour 4 cup beers. They must drink before taken each of the four items. One, before taking the basket, one to tell the txais ntsuab do she really want to take our daughter home, one to take the blanks What is the fourth????

The daughter's family is suppose to also set one more table to eat before the in-laws go, but if you don't you should pour two beers and ask for forgiveness and understanding that we are not going to set the last table.